When he’s not interested in being a father, what then?

There has always been and will always be men who take the results of procreation for granted and do not see it for the wondrous gift it really is.


There could be many reasons but let’s focus on just one for now. As one guy said it when asked what stops him from accepting fatherhood, “Not being a good father. I know what it’s like to not have a father, and I don’t want to repeat the cycle.”

There you have it. It may not be the number one reason but it’s a pretty big one and a common one at that. That’s not to say every guy who grew up without a dad can’t be a good dad but, well, it’s hard. Even with a great example to learn from and shadow there will be times every dad will make mistakes, be afraid, and wish he could go back to when times were simpler. Because let’s face it, being a parent is a roller coaster of thoughts, emotional and physical challenges, worries, firsts and lasts, and general blissful beautiful chaos.

So – what do you do when you are expecting and the father is not interested?

I can tell you from experience that if being one parent in a two parent unit isn’t always easy then being the only parent in the unit can sometimes be a tough road to travel. But notice I said sometimes.

Sometimes things are hard. A lot of times maybe. But not always. Sometimes as a single parent the closeness you feel with your child is so profound you wonder how you went this long without it. Sometimes the bond you share with her shows itself to be the glue that holds it all together. Sometimes the days when your only interactions are with her turn out to be when the sweetest conversations happen.

Sometimes when the will to continue on seems impossible the ease with which you can place your focus on her which in turn calms your fears is a gift in itself. Sometimes despite the rush of the day, the schoolwork and half written grocery list, the load of laundry you keep forgetting in the washer, the party you had to skip (again) because she’s got a little pea creative dance recital, make you wonder and wish you were not doing this alone.

But. You. Are. Not. Alone. You have her and the knowledge that there is someone counting on you. Needing you. Loving you unconditionally. Accepting you. Watching for you. And glad you are there. Those are powerful motivators to keep your head up and your focus clear.

The role of a mother is very different from that of the father. And every role is important and gifted. But not every success story has both. You cannot make him want to be the father he already is by virtue of the pregnancy. But you can be the mother she needs.

H.V (single mother for nine years)